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Fostering Wellness and Growth — No Comments
25
Apr 25

Can There be too Many Interventions?

Teenager“…choose a few effective and tolerable interventions and then stick with them.”

Your teen is cooperating by attending therapy, participating in a teen support group, taking medicine, practicing yoga, swallowing fish oil pills, and maintaining a journal of their feelings. A friend tells you that a gluten-free diet might help and a family member urges you to try the healing touch therapy.

Can too many interventions be risky?

I think so. It is easy to forget that teens are freshly out of childhood, unaccustomed to doing much more self-care than dressing and brushing their teeth. Throw too many rigors at them and they may rebel completely, especially if progress has already been discouragingly slow.

But there’s an even greater risk. Some teens may welcome all the interventions you can offer, filling their lives with ever more treatment and leaving little time to simply be a teen.  Your son or daughter may become a “professional patient,” whereby they are defined by only their illness. This is not what you want for your growing teen who still has the task of developing friendships, creative outlets, academics, and career goals. Too many interventions can actually keep a teen dependent upon the illness.

Keep in mind that most interventions take time. Therapy has a cumulative effect. A month of therapy is only a start, but six months of therapy begins to make a difference. Two years of regular therapy produces substantial results, but is still not a lot. Avoid jumping from one intervention to another. Instead, choose a few effective and tolerable interventions and then stick with them, while letting your teen get on with the other important parts of life. I am not knocking a gluten-free diet or touch therapy by any means, but consider the impact of introducing a new strategy if the current plan is working.

Getting Help / Troubling Issues / Uncategorized — No Comments
18
Apr 25

Can Your Therapist Be Wrong?

WhoToTell.jpg.jpg“Once the therapist understands your position, you can both broaden your perspective.”

For many parents, hiring a therapist for their teen is a big step. This is especially true if you’ve never been in therapy yourself. You may not understand how therapy works or you may worry it will be a doorway to new conflicts and resentments. The goal of therapy is to make things better. Sometimes that requires the examination of unpleasant feelings so that they can be resolved. But what if your therapist makes a recommendation that feels flat-out wrong to you?

Your therapist is human and therefore may have missed some factors in making a recommendation. Ask yourself these questions about your therapist:

Does Your Therapist Understand Your Family’s Culture?

If your therapist comes from a different culture or religion, they may not understand certain family norms. Granted, these values may be worth examining and even modifying, but first make sure your therapist understands that they exist. Don’t be afraid to say, “That goes against our family’s beliefs.” On the other hand, be prepared to listen. Maybe some of those beliefs are worth modifying.

Does Your Therapist Understand Your Family’s Economic Restraints?

Therapists may make recommendations that are simply not financially realistic. For example, you may be able to afford your therapist’s recommendation that your teen attend a particular summer camp, but if that would mean no vacation for the rest of the family, it’s not reasonable. Don’t be afraid to say you can’t afford it.

Does Your Therapist Understand Logistical Constraints?

A therapist once recommended that we send our son to a charter school for the arts. It was an hour from home each way and we lived across the street from a nationally-recognized high school. We weren’t even in the charter school’s district, so we would have had to move. Don’t be afraid to say no to an idea that would only create new stress.

Does Your Therapist’s Recommendation Feel Wrong?

Sometimes therapists recommend that parents step back and let their teen do what they want. The hope here is that the teen will develop greater independence and maturity and learn from their mistakes. Ask yourself what is the worst that can happen. Then ask yourself how different that would be from ordinary life. For example, your teen wants to drive across the country with a friend. They could get in a car wreck. How is that different from them driving to their part-time job on the freeway three times a week? On the other hand, if you know your teen’s road partner drives drunk or high, you have a strong argument against the idea.

Tell your teen you want them to try new things and that you need them to work with you to create a plan that is comfortable for you. Often, teens see your “no” as not wanting them to have fun until you explain that you are afraid for their safety. Once they understand that you love and care about them, they can be surprisingly compassionate–and creative about solutions.

Has Your Teen’s Therapist Assumed Too Much Authority?

You hired a professional for a reason. You want that person to be knowledgeable, experienced, and to make a positive difference in your family. But your therapist is not the new head of your family. You do not have to go along with every suggestion. If their suggestions begin to look more like mandates, don’t blindly follow along. Talk about your own feelings. Once the therapist understands your position, you can both broaden your perspective. In the rare case that the therapist is inflexible, it may be time to look for someone new.

 

 

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