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Troubling Issues / Uncategorized — Comments Off on Your Teen’s Dark Poetry, Music, or Art
26
Dec 25

Your Teen’s Dark Poetry, Music, or Art

Teenager“Teens tend to think in extremes, and their art shows it.”

You are cleaning out the car when you find a sheet of crumpled, lined notebook paper. Smoothing it out, you see that your teen has written a poem about suicide. A bolt of fear shoots through you.

Take a deep breath. This could mean that your teen is suicidal or it could mean that they had a bad day. Teens tend to think in extremes, and their art shows it. Having recently left childhood behind, they are new to many of the painful facts of life. The realization can be overwhelming.

Meanwhile, there is you, worrying about whether to be concerned. If the art merely hints at depression or anxiety, do not mention that you found it. Instead, say that you notice that they seem blue lately. Tell your teen that you would like to help, and that you promise not to over-react or judge. They may not open up to you right away, but at least they know someone is looking out for them. Also, you have opened the door a crack. If more evidence appears, you can press further.

If the art scares you, it is time to take action. For example, in the case of the poem about suicide, if your teen refuses to open up, explain what you found. It is worth the risk of their resentment. Express that you respect their discomfort but that you would be a poor parent if you didn’t follow up. It is important for them to know that somebody cares enough to do something about their situation.

Tell your teen that you have made an appointment to go together to see a therapist or the school counselor. Be assured, by the way, that the school counselor or school psychologist is well-equipped and experienced with this issue. If your teen objects, remain firm. Explain that you love them and that you need to check this out in order to know that they are safe. Say that sometimes teens do not realize just how depressed they are if they’ve been coping for a while.

Be sensitive to the fact that they may be embarrassed by the content of the item you found. Do not bring it along (in fact, if you still have it, return it). Tell the therapist or counselor, in general terms, the message you interpreted from the item and then let her take it from there. Afterward, thank your teen for accompanying you to the appointment. Never mention the poem again. Your teen will appreciate your sensitivity.

 

Facing Your Teen’s Illness — Comments Off on What I Learned About Mental Illness from the Movies
19
Dec 25

What I Learned About Mental Illness from the Movies

There are plenty of movies out there that deal with the subject of mental illness. Although I sometimes find the prospect of watching such a movie depressing, I think it’s good to get a different take on the subject. Here is a list of some of the movies I have seen and what I learned from them as a caregiver:

Strange Voices is listed first because it is my favorite. Valerie Harper plays a mom whose daughter is struck with schizophrenia while at college. Somehow, without seeming like a documentary, this movie hits all the issues: stigma, isolation, the effects of de-institutionalization, marriage strain, the limitations of health insurance, and our appalling legal system. It is an incredibly realistic portrayal of what a family goes through when schizophrenia affects a child. It is also heartwarming and ends on a note that is both realistic and hopeful. Truly a masterpiece despite its dated quality.

Benny & Joon with Mary Sue Masterson and Johnnie Depp showed me how a caregiver can become dependent upon the illness. In the movie, Benny looks after his sister Joon, who has had schizophrenia for so many years that he can’t let go of his role even after she no long needs him. As a caregiver, I have been cautioned to maintain a life of my own, and now I see why.

A Beautiful Mind with Jennifer Connelly and Russell Crowe showed me how a caregiver who refuses to give up can restore a life. Connelly nurtures her husband back from schizophrenia. He is luckier than most because his distinguished past and an accepting environment keep him safe and stable.

Black Swan provides an unusual take on the caregiver. I found it interesting that my friends who saw the movie regarded the mother of the girl with schizophrenia as being a cruel and manipulative stage mom. As the mother of a girl with schizophrenia, I saw her completely differently. To me, she seemed warped by the demands of the illness, having held the pieces together for so long that she needed everything to go just right lest it all fall apart. Of course, it does, and the performances of both Natalie Portman (the daughter) and Barbara Hershey (the mother) are brilliant.

Proof features Gwyneth Paltrow as a devoted daughter looking after her brilliant father, played by Anthony Hopkins, who has schizophrenia. The daughter deliberately undermines her own brilliance as she endeavors to return her dad to his former state of greatness. It is a reminder that caregivers can lose themselves in helping a beloved relative. If you love Gwyneth Paltrow (and who doesn’t love Gwyneth Paltrow?) you must see this movie.

Silver Linings Playbook depicts a young man struggling with bipolar disorder following a mental break after his wife has an affair. His well-meaning mother decides that he has been in the hospital for too long and brings him home. His father is stunned by this but insists that he only wants to make sure he is all right. However, we soon learn that mom and dad are not all right themselves. Dad has obsessive compulsive disorder and Mom vacillates between playing along with Dad and trying to keep him from doing too much damage. In-between the two is Pat, the son, who is trying to find a way back to his former life despite his parents’ problems.

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