“In many ways, teens who have suffered are better equipped to handle setbacks than people who have never struggled.”I am constantly reminded of how long the process of healing from a mental illness takes. If that sounds discouraging, it is not meant to. It is simply an important reality. Some illnesses clear up more quickly; others never improve. Mental illness is in-between. With treatment, things will improve, in fact, so steadily that it can be quite astonishing. My son has been in treatment for seven years; my daughter for five. Even after all of this time, I continue to see improvement.
In my son’s case, he has been able to cut back on his dosage of medicine. Early on in his treatment when the medicine was addressing his depression, I noticed that he did not make jokes any longer. After a couple of years, though, his humor returned. At age fourteen, I felt like his deep depression had soured him toward life, and this attitude continued for many years. He is still not the cheeriest of people, and a lot of his cynicism has remained, but he is more relaxed about life and the waythe world is.
My daughter was initially miserable with the awful symptoms of schizophrenia. Somehow, at the time, I had it in my head that all we needed to do was get the symptoms under control. I wasn’t prepared for the residual challenges of the illness, including depression, fatigue, lack of motivation, and mental slowing. Although she has not been able to cut back on her dosage, she is now energetic and excited to start each day and seems fulfilled in many ways. She has resolved the early stigma she dealt with regarding the name of her disease. Feeling better has made the illness a smaller part of her life. Slowly, she is building a social life, something that for a long time I thought I would never see again.
One thing that helped my teens’ progress has been staying steady with the medicine. Most of these drugs take two weeks or more to begin working, and improvement is so subtle and slow it can be barely noticeable. If you see any improvement at all, you are likely on the right track. But it will probably take months and possibly years for your teen to really recover, depending upon the severity of the illness.
Another thing that helped was the fact that neither of my kids had used street drugs. Drugs like marijuana or alcohol can cause serious delays and setbacks in treatment. Still, even when drugs are involved, if the addiction is resolved, the teen can make progress. One thing that all kids with mental illness go through, whether addiction is involved or not, is an early realization that life can be tough. As painful as this is for them, young people are resilient and the early challenges they have with depression, drugs, and more can actually help them mature more quickly. Learning how to get something like a drug addiction or a deep depression under control can help them to cope with future obstacles. In many ways, teens who have suffered are better equipped to handle setbacks than people who have never struggled.
Time is a big healer. Every year that your teen recovers is also an additional year of maturation. Simply growing older can help a teen heal and recover. With both of my teens, I found it helpful to encourage them to take on more responsibility. I am talking about little things like filling out their own medical forms at the doctor’s office and big things like learning how to drive. We cannot let our teen’s illness keep them from growing up, even if we feel bad about what they have been through.
Your teen will be able to forget and move on more easily if you encourage them to do all of the things that other teens do: learn to cook, do laundry, start a part-time job. If it seems like these skills are beyond your teen right now, don’t worry. Have them tackle one thing at a time and stick with it until it has become comfortable, then move on to the next thing. My daughter took five years to finish high school. We could have pushed hard and gotten her out in four years, but she was much better prepared for college this way. The important thing is seeing progress and remaining patient while it continues.
“Therapists are often surprised to hear a parent mention details that the teen didn’t happen to share with her. A good therapist will invite you in periodically to describe what is going on at home.”