“If you can teach your teen the art of gratitude, he or she will have a huge advantage.”Hurting teens often cannot see past their own misery. They may seem discourteous, insensitive, and even bitter. An illness like depression or something even more devastating like bipolar disorder, can feel all-encompassing, seeming to affect every aspect of the teen’s life. It is likely that this is the worst thing your teen has ever faced. In addition to the misery and confusion, your teen may feel a loss of innocence.
Unfortunately, being young and inexperienced in the painful parts of life does nothing to help a teen’s resilience. Mental illness usually takes a long time to resolve and it often comes with multiple medicine trials and various follow-up stages of miserable symptoms. This can lead to a sense of defeat. When we feel hopeless, it is hard to be happy for others. But there are ways to help.
Provide Perspective
First, let your teen know that, throughout anybody’s lifetime, there are bound to be phases where the person’s life feels stalled or unmanageable. It may be the loss of a loved one, the loss of a job, or the onset of an illness, including a mental illness. Eventually, if we live long enough, we will inevitably go through such a time. Your teen is not alone. Explain that things will not always be this bad.
Provide an Activity
Second, recognize that the more time your teen has to stew about their misery, the worse it is likely to seem. Busy teens have less time to dwell upon themselves. Although your teen is likely to resist, get him or her involved in a yoga class, a volunteer opportunity, or the search for a part-time job.
Teach Gratitude
Finally, teach your teen to express gratitude. People will not sympathize for long or want to be near if all they hear is complaining. If you can teach your teen the art of gratitude, he or she will have a huge advantage. There are several things you can try:
- Buy a tiny notebook or even a pad of Post-em notes to keep by their bedside. Every night before going to bed, they write down five things they are grateful for. This exercise is incredibly powerful over time.
- Try to get your teen to identify an especially helpful professional and thank the person. This might be a therapist, school counselor, or doctor.
- Try to find a reason to give someone a special thank you in the form of baking some cookies. Ask your teen to help you, if only with the packaging and the card. Encourage your teen to deliver the cookies, or to at least accompany you. It does not have to be someone who has done something nice. It could be someone who is sick or been through a rough time.
- Continue to be a role model for your teen by remembering to thank everyone who helps out, including the receptionist at the doctor’s office and even the pharmacist.
- If your teen has a friend who has stood by them throughout this tough time, suggest that your teen thank the person. It is easy to take friends for granted without realizing that we have done nothing for them during our long period of illness. A friend’s support is not a right; it is a privilege.
“…choose a few effective and tolerable interventions and then stick with them…”