“Mental illness can be so subtle at times. We find ourselves getting impatient or confused by our teen’s behavior, not realizing that it is a remnant of the illness.”We all want to see our teen make as much progress as possible, and if we’re lucky, we will see just that. In fact, your teen may improve at such a steady rate that theyseem almost cured–until you get jolted back into reality. For example, one morning, I was cleaning in the kitchen and my daughter brought her empty cup to the dishwasher. The top rack was full. I waited for her to make a decision, but none came. After a moment or two, I said, “Just set it on the counter, honey.” I admit that I was annoyed and I’m sure my tone conveyed my impatience. I thought nothing more about it until an hour later when I asked her about an article her psychiatrist had given us to read. It explained that people with schizophrenia sometimes have difficulty solving problems and using strategy, including remembering the sequencing of actions. She said, “Yes, like this morning when I didn’t know what to do with the cup.”
I was stunned. And I felt terrible. My daughter had made phenomenal progress; so much that I’d forgotten she has schizophrenia. It was an important wake-up call for me. I need to watch out for these little moments of confusion and hesitation so that I understand what I’m seeing. That way I can remember to use my gentle voice and suggest choices (rearrange the dishwasher contents to make room for the glass or leave it on the counter) or simply step back and give her the extra time she needs to figure things out. Incidentally, the article emphasized that people with schizophrenia need to master these kinds of skill through practice, so once again I’m reminded of the merits of just keeping quiet!
If we hadn’t had that follow-up conversation, I don’t know if I would have realized that I was seeing a symptom. Mental illness can be so subtle at times. We find ourselves getting impatient or confused by our teen’s behavior, not realizing that it is a remnant of the illness. It can also be confusing to see progress that is suddenly limited. In her senior year of high school, my daughter felt so well that she auditioned for her high school play and was fortunate enough to get a small part. She loved every minute of the rehearsals and performances. I attended all of the performances, thrilled to see my daughter who had been so ill onstage. Even better, she enjoyed getting to know the other actors. This had me excited to no end because she hadn’t had a friend since her illness began. When I asked her if she wanted to host a cast party, she said no. In fact, she did not want to have even one or two friends over. She wasn’t ready. Again I had been fooled by her phenomenal progress. I needed to pause and just be grateful for how far she has come.
“Tiny compliments throughout the day will go a long way in boosting your teen’s self-image and sense of still having some control over their life.”