“Tiny compliments throughout the day will go a long way in boosting your teen’s self-image and sense of still having some control over their life.”Teens are generally used to recovering quickly from illnesses like colds and ear infections. Mental illness is different. It is slow and unsteady in terms of its course, often getting worse before it responds to medicine. Prolonged symptoms and the trial-and-error of finding the right medicine can frustrate a teen. They may begin to believe that they will never get well, frustration leading to anger, then hopelessness, and finally, bitterness. Understandably, you may come to feel the same way. Suddenly, you aren’t happy for your friends when their teen wins a contest, not in view of what is happening to your own child. Trust me, it won’t always be this way.
As cliche as it may sound, you can best help yourself and your teen by looking for the positive. Make it a habit to comment on anything good you can find. For example, your teen made it through another morning of outpatient treatment, or the two of you managed to not get lost this time when you went to find the new psychiatrist’s office. Try to build in little rewards for yourselves. If you and your teen have to be out of the house at six a.m. to get to an appointment, go to your favorite breakfast spot on the way home and say something positive like, “Well, we survived that.”
Tiny compliments throughout the day will go a long way in boosting your teen’s self-image and sense of still having some control over their life. Avoid bringing up the successes of other teens you know. For example, if your nephew, who is the same age as your teen, gets into his dream college while your son is repeating his senior year, send the family your congratulations, but don’t mention it to your son. You needn’t hide it; just don’t go out of your way to say anything. If he asks about his cousin, tell him the news very simply and then leave it at that. Your son is your focus right now; he is the one you get excited about, even if his latest accomplishment is making it through a full day at high school.
Another strong tactic is to occasionally remind your teen how far they have come. If they grumble about the fact that they are taking only a partial class load at school, point out how much easier it is for them to handle it now than it was at the start of the school year. Use words like “progress,” and “improvement.” If all else fails, don’t be afraid to spend a little time commiserating with your teen. It’s okay to say, “Yes, this sucks. But we’ll get through it. We always do.” You may also want to mention that people who live perfect lives often can’t handle rough spots when they inevitably arrive. Point out how well-equipped they will be for the future with all of this great experience! Dark humor never hurts; if nothing else, at least you can get a momentary laugh out of the situation.
“In many ways, teens who have suffered are better equipped to handle setbacks than people who have never struggled.”